It's Not A Big Deal Just, It's RIGHT Here, And It's ALL The Time

Poor Blythe. It can't be easy when your daughter chooses to be friends with a home-wrecking botox-addicted pseudo-lesbian, but it must be something else entirely when you type her name into Google and discover THIS.

Now, I've no idea what the fuck 'goop' is, apart from the stuff that collects in the corner of your eye when you apply too much mascara (16:40), but apparently it's a website for the reader to "nourish the inner aspect". WHAAATTT?!

Gwyneth's uber-blog is some kind of Xtreme lifestyle purveyor reader, where the impossibly upwardly mobile housewife can discover the perfect way to use all that Valrhona that's been lying around the maison. Her latest idea is a holiday gift-list featuring such practical recession-era presents as a $1,395 Mulberry Weekend Bag and a $500 Dean & Deluca hamper. She is, like, SO in touch with the middle class?

Her newsletters make her sound like some kind of philosophical Bree Van de Kamp, extolling the true meaning of Thanksgiving - "make sure that no matter what type of meal you are having, you take a moment to think about how much you do have (health, love, friendship, passion, perspective, appreciation, intellect, reason, kindness) and reflect on how you can share more of it with others." W. T. F.

Gwyneth bbz, I can barely afford a McDonald's for dinner; I'm in no mood to read your whiney, potentially bankrupting self-obsessed blog posts. You'll excuse me if I spend more time studying my latest Tesco Clubcard statement than your grossly misinformed ranting . Re: that link - I'm quite sure the concept of seasons is a well-established, global phenomenon (as distinct from a geographical one) but what do I know, my disposable income is nowhere near the Goop threshold level.

In the interest of boring, banal balance however, I point your attention to this - note the "other work" section. Forgive my seriousness but $500,000 for breast cancer research is truly impressive. If her blog wasn't so ridiculous, and if she ditched her FleshMaster 2000-addicted friends, I'd have serious respect for this one.